Thursday, April 05, 2012

Back in the Saddle Again

First let me apologize for not blogging very much this year.  This Kindergarten half-day business has been kicking my butt and killing my schedule.  By the time I find time in the afternoon to do anything it's the witching hour when Isabelle breaks down and/or Matthew wants time to play on the computer (if he's got green at school and is on green at home so I can't deny him time if he's earned it).  It seems after that havoc has ended then it's time to start dinner, eat, hang out for a bit with the kids and then it's bedtime.  I'm exhausted every night and need time to unwind and have had no desire to blog late at night.  My schedule is changing (more below), so I'll have more time to blog in the morning and will try and be more committed.

Ok, so with that out of the way...why back in the saddle?  Well to be honest, I've slipped weight wise a bit since my huge weight loss 2 years ago.  I've been trying to understand my state of mind lately and have been beating myself up about it for awhile.  I finally decided enough is enough.  What has happened has happened.  I've gained a little weight - OH WELL!!!   I have 12 weeks until our summer vacation.  It's coming whether I have gotten closer to my goal or not.  It can come and I'll be unhappy about where I'm at OR I can be committed and get back in the groove.  I decided to be committed and work as hard as I can to attain my goal.

In analyzing my state of mind and why the weight gain I've discovered a few things.  I think part of my failure was not adjusting quickly enough to staying home full-time.  It's the HARDEST job ever.  Food is always around, little kids are yelling at you, being defiant, pushing boundaries like kids do.  I love my kids, I love being with them, I love having my own schedule and not having to be up by 6 am to start getting ready for work.  The downfall is less adult interaction, the little people pushing my buttons and trying to order me around.  I get ZERO satisfaction from a super clean house, doing laundry, etc.  It doesn't satisfy me like working outside the house did, figuring out to solve hard issues, working closely with amazing people to put on great events.  Honestly I don't think I'm built for this long term, but I want to be at home with my kids until Isabelle is in 1st grade and then we'll re-evaluate. 

I feel like it's been way harder to keep everything under control now that I'm at home all the time.  I kept limited food at my desk and only healthy snacks when I was working and here at the house there is so much food.  I don't really keep a lot of junk food/candy around, but the kids do need crackers, etc. and it's so easy to get sucked in.  It's hard to be vigilant all the time and I do love to cook and make new foods.  I have let the bad weather or kids get under my skin and give me excuses for not going to the gym some days.  Matthew's Kindergarten schedule has been killing my workout schedule.  I don't really know what I weigh right now as our scale is broken, but I have probably gained back about 15-20 pounds.  It doesn't sound like a lot, but it is when my clothes don't fit like they should or how I like.  It's easy to want to give up and say oh well, it's too hard to work it off again and give into failure thoughts and feelings.

I made up my mind about 4 weeks ago that it doesn't matter anymore what I did in the past and to stop feeling sorry for myself for sliding back a bit.  I needed to focus on the now!!!!  I needed to recommit myself to me and my health goals.  For me it's also a mental thing - if I'm not entirely committed I can talk myself out of anything.  It was a switch that needed to be pushed to the ON button and baby it's ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I am ready to get it back!

I have been at an ok gym for the last year and all of my friends go there which has been way fun.  The downpart is that their equipment isn't new or varied and I haven't been feeling very inspired there lately.  My sister-in-law told me about this other gym that is further away in November when she was here visiting her family that she went to.  I have been rolling around the idea for awhile about switching, but hated to give up the connection to my friends every morning.  The last 4 weeks they haven't been coming regularly and it seemed most mornings I was there by myself (which is fine I am totally fine being at the gym by myself doing my own thing). 

We went to Medford this past weekend for Spring Break to visit family and instead of letting the usual excuse of I don't have my gym so I can't exercise set in, I found a gym and went there the 3 days we were in town.  Their equipment rocked and really helped solidify my newfound motivation.  It clicked into place that a good gym is VERY important to me AND for me is what I need to be successful. 

We went and toured the gym my sister-in-law told me about on Tuesday night - BLOWN AWAY!!!!  We signed up that night.  I have been mourning my Arizona gym a lot lately and now I don't have to.  The kids LOVE the kids center which is a huge importance for us since I have 2 kids to take with me most days.  The kids center is open all day which my other gym wasn't and it was becoming a problem lately too.  If I couldn't make it in the morning to the gym because of other commitments then I was hosed.  The old gym's kid center was only open from 8-12:30 and then 4-8.   I can't go at 4, get back and get dinner going and have our night end smoothly.  Our kindergartner needs to be in bed by 7:30 or it's a horrible fight the next morning.

The new gym has my favorite piece of equipment and some other ones I really liked at my Arizona gym AND they have these cool new weight lifting machines that keeps your whole body in line when you lift, they move with you.  I can't explain it, but they rock.  The sad part is that I feel like I've worked myself more in the last week (between my new gym and the one in Medford) using my favorite equipment then I have the past few months at my old gym.

So in essence what I've realized lately about myself:

1-I need to be committed entirely!!!!
I have been what I thought was committed in the past, but if a morning didn't work out exercise wise then it wasn't a big deal, missing a few days a week was ok.  If I ate a little bad, no big deal, I would eat better tomorrow. NO LONGER!!!  I am committing for the next 12 weeks (until we leave for vacation) to work out 6 days a week and eat super healthy.  Like the Biggest Loser theme this season, NO MORE EXCUSES!

I have been really good the past month.  More aware of calories I'm eating and I have gone to the gym 6 days a week for the past 2 weeks and 5 days a week the 2 weeks before that.  I am not quitting during/after vacation but just zeroing in on my 12 week goal for now.  Little goals work for me instead of huge ones that seem impossible to attain.

2-Finding a place of exercise that works!
I didn't have a gym suitable for MY needs.  I needed more flexible child care times, I needed machines that I want to go and visit and workout hard on EVERY DAY.  I needed a place that inspires me to push myself the hardest I can.  Other people have other needs and that's ok, but I can't revolve my needs around theirs.  I just became aware of this the past week and found a solution that is going to help me attain my goal!

3-Being accountable for what I eat
I am back on the calorie counting bandwagon.  I think moving, being at home, rainy weather, etc. affected me in more ways that I realized.  I am definitely an emotional eater and have let what was going on affect my eating.  I know this for sure that losing weight is way easier than maintaining it, but I have a better plan of what to do next time I'm at my goal weight to keep myself in check. 

I feel good about what I'm doing and I have a goal to strive for which always helps me!!!  If you've gotten this far, thanks for reading an epic post.  I'm thinking of doing an online 8 week weight-loss support group and if you are in my area of Oregon-one that meets weekly.  Let me know if you are interested in either.  I'll be announcing it on Facebook soon.


kris said...

Good for you! :)

Em said...

I've gained back about 25 pounds, so I understand completely! I would love to be part of the online support group! You are so right about just moving forward and doing the best we can now! We miss you guys!

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