Spring Break and Easter

Spring has sprung here in Oregon.  Well, at least the trees looked at the calendar and decided it was time to wake up, and of course Easter happened as it always does.  I'm not sure how the trees know it is time, because it is still pretty cold and rainy on most days, but somehow they do.  Granted, we have had a few nice days recently, and fortunately two of those nice days fell on Easter and the day before.  It was beautiful outside the last few days with the trees flowering and the sun shining a bit, and that helped it feel a bit more like Easter should.

Matthew's spring break fell in the last week of March and coincided with spring break for my brother Jay's kids down in Medford in southern Oregon, so we packed up the kids mid-week and spent about three days with them.  The kids love it because they are all kind of crazy together and play and fight like siblings, and we always have a good time hanging out, even if the rain kept us mostly inside (except for one afternoon at the park in Ashland).

Jay made play-doh and was a hero - hours of entertainment.

As for Easter weekend, our big event was moving Isabelle finally out of her crib and into a bed on Saturday - probably long overdue since she was climbing in and out like a little monkey anyway.  She's small for her age but stubborn and determined (and that's putting it lightly).  Before we did that though, we joined in a big Easter egg hunt with a bunch of people from church, and while the weather did cooperate, there must still be a bit of Arizona left in us because we took them in Crocs instead of boots (forgetting they'd be walking on semi-swampy grass still).  They loaded up on a bit of candy, although the highlight for Matthew was seeing a little snake and later a giant worm that he watched cross the sidewalk.

One of the best things about being a parent is how excited your kids get about stuff that you as an adult might not even notice.  (The other might be when they tell you that they love Easter because Jesus died for us and not because of the candy, which Matthew did on the way there, which in turn led to a lot of tears from him that night as he went to bed because he was so sad we would die someday and not be with him for a while).

For some reason Isabelle decided to start Easter proper before 6 a.m., so it was a bit of a tiring day and she was a bit grumpy and crazy, but all-in-all it was good.

Karin cooked some amazing food for dinner - I really try to not take that for granted, but I know I am pretty lucky there (as are the kids, even if they don't always know it - see below).  The kids dyed eggs, and we had about four egg hunts in the back yard, mostly fun because of how excited they got about finding eggs but also with the requisite drama since Isabelle would hide eggs and then show you where they were, which drove Matthew crazy.

Now we are turning our attention to Isabelle's birthday on Tuesday.  There has been a lot going on lately - both good and challenging - for a lot of people who mean a lot to us, and I came through General Conference last week and Easter this weekend with a lot of gratitude for the reality of my faith and how that impacts how I experience and approach life and for my amazing little family, which wouldn't be complete without that equally cute and feisty little girl.  And driving home from Portland the other day and looking out at the green farms and trees in bloom, I am grateful to live where we do right now, even if it means getting a little wet sometimes.

OK, as a side-note on the food thing, Matthew is a picky eater, and the other day he was struggling with some pasta Karin made because she had tried to slip in some leftover teriyaki meatballs into it - he didn't fall for that and had a hard time eating even after we took them out.  Karin decided to capture the face Matthew makes when he doesn't like something:

Back in the Saddle Again

First let me apologize for not blogging very much this year.  This Kindergarten half-day business has been kicking my butt and killing my schedule.  By the time I find time in the afternoon to do anything it's the witching hour when Isabelle breaks down and/or Matthew wants time to play on the computer (if he's got green at school and is on green at home so I can't deny him time if he's earned it).  It seems after that havoc has ended then it's time to start dinner, eat, hang out for a bit with the kids and then it's bedtime.  I'm exhausted every night and need time to unwind and have had no desire to blog late at night.  My schedule is changing (more below), so I'll have more time to blog in the morning and will try and be more committed.

Ok, so with that out of the way...why back in the saddle?  Well to be honest, I've slipped weight wise a bit since my huge weight loss 2 years ago.  I've been trying to understand my state of mind lately and have been beating myself up about it for awhile.  I finally decided enough is enough.  What has happened has happened.  I've gained a little weight - OH WELL!!!   I have 12 weeks until our summer vacation.  It's coming whether I have gotten closer to my goal or not.  It can come and I'll be unhappy about where I'm at OR I can be committed and get back in the groove.  I decided to be committed and work as hard as I can to attain my goal.

In analyzing my state of mind and why the weight gain I've discovered a few things.  I think part of my failure was not adjusting quickly enough to staying home full-time.  It's the HARDEST job ever.  Food is always around, little kids are yelling at you, being defiant, pushing boundaries like kids do.  I love my kids, I love being with them, I love having my own schedule and not having to be up by 6 am to start getting ready for work.  The downfall is less adult interaction, the little people pushing my buttons and trying to order me around.  I get ZERO satisfaction from a super clean house, doing laundry, etc.  It doesn't satisfy me like working outside the house did, figuring out to solve hard issues, working closely with amazing people to put on great events.  Honestly I don't think I'm built for this long term, but I want to be at home with my kids until Isabelle is in 1st grade and then we'll re-evaluate. 

I feel like it's been way harder to keep everything under control now that I'm at home all the time.  I kept limited food at my desk and only healthy snacks when I was working and here at the house there is so much food.  I don't really keep a lot of junk food/candy around, but the kids do need crackers, etc. and it's so easy to get sucked in.  It's hard to be vigilant all the time and I do love to cook and make new foods.  I have let the bad weather or kids get under my skin and give me excuses for not going to the gym some days.  Matthew's Kindergarten schedule has been killing my workout schedule.  I don't really know what I weigh right now as our scale is broken, but I have probably gained back about 15-20 pounds.  It doesn't sound like a lot, but it is when my clothes don't fit like they should or how I like.  It's easy to want to give up and say oh well, it's too hard to work it off again and give into failure thoughts and feelings.

I made up my mind about 4 weeks ago that it doesn't matter anymore what I did in the past and to stop feeling sorry for myself for sliding back a bit.  I needed to focus on the now!!!!  I needed to recommit myself to me and my health goals.  For me it's also a mental thing - if I'm not entirely committed I can talk myself out of anything.  It was a switch that needed to be pushed to the ON button and baby it's ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I am ready to get it back!

I have been at an ok gym for the last year and all of my friends go there which has been way fun.  The downpart is that their equipment isn't new or varied and I haven't been feeling very inspired there lately.  My sister-in-law told me about this other gym that is further away in November when she was here visiting her family that she went to.  I have been rolling around the idea for awhile about switching, but hated to give up the connection to my friends every morning.  The last 4 weeks they haven't been coming regularly and it seemed most mornings I was there by myself (which is fine I am totally fine being at the gym by myself doing my own thing). 

We went to Medford this past weekend for Spring Break to visit family and instead of letting the usual excuse of I don't have my gym so I can't exercise set in, I found a gym and went there the 3 days we were in town.  Their equipment rocked and really helped solidify my newfound motivation.  It clicked into place that a good gym is VERY important to me AND for me is what I need to be successful. 

We went and toured the gym my sister-in-law told me about on Tuesday night - BLOWN AWAY!!!!  We signed up that night.  I have been mourning my Arizona gym a lot lately and now I don't have to.  The kids LOVE the kids center which is a huge importance for us since I have 2 kids to take with me most days.  The kids center is open all day which my other gym wasn't and it was becoming a problem lately too.  If I couldn't make it in the morning to the gym because of other commitments then I was hosed.  The old gym's kid center was only open from 8-12:30 and then 4-8.   I can't go at 4, get back and get dinner going and have our night end smoothly.  Our kindergartner needs to be in bed by 7:30 or it's a horrible fight the next morning.

The new gym has my favorite piece of equipment and some other ones I really liked at my Arizona gym AND they have these cool new weight lifting machines that keeps your whole body in line when you lift, they move with you.  I can't explain it, but they rock.  The sad part is that I feel like I've worked myself more in the last week (between my new gym and the one in Medford) using my favorite equipment then I have the past few months at my old gym.

So in essence what I've realized lately about myself:

1-I need to be committed entirely!!!!
I have been what I thought was committed in the past, but if a morning didn't work out exercise wise then it wasn't a big deal, missing a few days a week was ok.  If I ate a little bad, no big deal, I would eat better tomorrow. NO LONGER!!!  I am committing for the next 12 weeks (until we leave for vacation) to work out 6 days a week and eat super healthy.  Like the Biggest Loser theme this season, NO MORE EXCUSES!

I have been really good the past month.  More aware of calories I'm eating and I have gone to the gym 6 days a week for the past 2 weeks and 5 days a week the 2 weeks before that.  I am not quitting during/after vacation but just zeroing in on my 12 week goal for now.  Little goals work for me instead of huge ones that seem impossible to attain.

2-Finding a place of exercise that works!
I didn't have a gym suitable for MY needs.  I needed more flexible child care times, I needed machines that I want to go and visit and workout hard on EVERY DAY.  I needed a place that inspires me to push myself the hardest I can.  Other people have other needs and that's ok, but I can't revolve my needs around theirs.  I just became aware of this the past week and found a solution that is going to help me attain my goal!

3-Being accountable for what I eat
I am back on the calorie counting bandwagon.  I think moving, being at home, rainy weather, etc. affected me in more ways that I realized.  I am definitely an emotional eater and have let what was going on affect my eating.  I know this for sure that losing weight is way easier than maintaining it, but I have a better plan of what to do next time I'm at my goal weight to keep myself in check. 

I feel good about what I'm doing and I have a goal to strive for which always helps me!!!  If you've gotten this far, thanks for reading an epic post.  I'm thinking of doing an online 8 week weight-loss support group and if you are in my area of Oregon-one that meets weekly.  Let me know if you are interested in either.  I'll be announcing it on Facebook soon.